Halloween
by Sam.J.Eller
Summary: Dean struggles to understand why his little brother is acting so out of character this Halloween. Teenchester. Hurt/Sad/Sam and Big Brother/Caring/Dean. "The things I do…the things I give up, I do it for you Sammy, not because of you."


Note: Still not really sure how this happened. I was sitting alone munching on Halloween candy and then this kind of fell out of my head, it might be rubbish. Rated T for Language.

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><p>"Hey shortstuff. You ready to go?" I asked my little brother as I walked up to him, leaning casually against the locker next to his.<p>

"Yeah Dean, just a second." Sam muttered, pulling more textbooks out and shoving them into his book-bag.

"You got a lot of homework or something?"

"No, just trying to catch up."

"We just got here this week Sam, how could you possibly be behind?"

"This school is ahead of our last school. I have no idea what's going on in math or history right now." Sam grumbled, his frustration evident in the look he sent my way.

I nodded, because I understood. I mean I really didn't give a shit about education, but Sammy did and I knew how hard it must be on him with us switching schools all the time.

"I'm hoping that if I read through the first few units I will be able to figure out what's going on." Sam explained, shoving another book into his bag.

"You're not planning on doing all that tonight are you? It's Halloween dude."

"I know Dean; I just have so much to do…"

"Don't panic kid, we just got here. Give yourself some time, you'll figure it out." I encouraged as I ruffled my little brother's shaggy brown hair.

Sam rolled his eyes and ducked his head out of my reach.

I was about to make fun of him for being such a dork, when I was distracted by someone calling my name.

I turned to see the girl who sat beside me in English class walking over.

"Hey." I said, turning towards her, trying and failing to remember her name.

"You free tonight? Cause a bunch of us are going to hang out at Justin's, his parents are out of town so..." She faded off, probably not wanting to announce in the high school hallway that there would be drinking at the party.

"That sounds cool, but I'm busy."

"Oh alright, well in case you change your mind, here's the address." The girl said, handing me a slip of paper with a home address written in very careful, very girly, writing. It was signed Katie, the i dotted with a heart, which made it hard not to roll my eyes.

"Thanks." I said, pocketing the note and waiting for her to leave.

"Sure, anytime." She replied, still standing there.

Realizing that she wasn't going to get lost, I simply turned back to my little brother, hearing heels click away after a moment.

Sam was struggling to zip-up his overly-stuffed back pack, clearly favoring his right shoulder. Once he was finally able to get the zipper closed, he went to sling knapsack on. I reached out and grabbed the bag before it landed on my little bother's back.

"Dean what the hell?" Sam began to argue as I pulled the bag from his grip.

"Holy crap Sam, you got the entire library in here?" I asked, feeling the heavy weight settle onto my shoulder.

"I can carry my own backpack Dean." Sam grumbled, grabbing for the bookbag.

"I doubt it. This weighs more than you."

"It does not. It's my bag!"

"Well I don't have one, so I'm going to borrow yours."

"You have a backpack; you just never bring it to school because you don't do any work."

"Yeah well, you just got rid of a sling, so how about we let me do the heavy lifting for now."

"Exactly, I got rid of the sling, my shoulder is fine."

"Good, let's keep it that way."

Give it to me Dean." The kid whined, trying to pull it from my shoulder.

"Shut up Sammy." I dismissed, making my way out of the school.

Sam could bitch and whine all he wanted, but this was his first day not wearing his sling and I could tell that his shoulder was in pain.

I chucked Sam's bag into the backseat before climbing into the Impala. Even though I had already owned her for a little more than a year, I still felt a strong sense of pride whenever I sat behind the wheel. Sam dropped in beside me, staring sulkily out the windshield.

"And for the record Sam, the doc said that your sling could come off in two or three weeks. And it has only been two, so it probably shouldn't even be off yet." I lectured, pulling out of the school parking lot.

"Well, if you hadn't dislocated my shoulder, I wouldn't have needed the damn thing in the first place." Sam snapped, throwing an accusing glare my way.

I was taken aback by the response. He was right of course. We had been training, and I had messed up. I had pinned him a little too aggressively.

As we began to train more intensely, I sometimes forgot that even though the kid could fight hard, he was still four years younger than me and half my size.

I had felt guilty as hell after it happened, and I still felt that guilt now.

And I really couldn't blame Sam for pointing out the truth, but that does not mean that it didn't hurt.

My little brother had spent the past couple weeks constantly telling me it wasn't my fault and that he messed up by attempting a last minute maneuver, causing him to go down wrong. And even though I knew that was complete bullshit and it was entirely my fault, I had felt better knowing that my little brother didn't blame me.

Or so I had thought.

"I didn't mean that."

I glance to my right and noticed that the accusatory stare had now been replaced with one of guilt and regret.

I turned my attention back to the road, too confused by my feelings to make any sort of response.

I hurt Sam, unintentionally, but I still knew that it was my fault. I never denied that Sam's dislocated shoulder was my doing, and not a day went by since it happened that I didn't feel bad about it. But Sam had been so adamant that it wasn't my fault. And now I'm left wondering that maybe he just said that, maybe he actually blamed me as much as I blamed myself.

Not that there would be anything wrong with that, it really shouldn't upset me at all. But for some reason, Sam placing rightful accusation on me hurt, it hurt a lot.

"Dean, seriously, I didn't mean it." Sam placed a hand on my arm to get my attention.

"Don't worry about it Sam." I replied, sending my little brother an understanding look.

Hiding the hurt underneath; knowing that the kid didn't deserve to feel bad for stating the facts.

I watched Sam nervously chewing on his lip out of the corner of my eye and felt an instant urge to ease his worries.

"What kind of junk-food do you want for tonight?"

It was a tradition. Ever since Sam had found out about the details of the family business, he hated Halloween. He didn't understand why people would celebrate or laugh-off the daily horrors we experienced. That, and his crippling fear of clowns, pretty much made Halloween the second worst day of the year. So a few years back we started a tradition of spending the evening eating junk food and watching movies.

"Actually… I was wondering if it would be okay if we did something else tonight." Sam suggested quietly, seemingly nervous about my response.

I quirked an eyebrow in curiosity, cocking my head to the side.

"What'd you have in mind?"

"Well I got invited to a party so I thought maybe I would go."

"Oh, alright, you sure?" I questioned, surprised that my little brother was up for any sort of Halloween celebration.

"Yeah, and then you can go to your party." Sam pointed out.

"I guess I'll check it out, stay awhile if it isn't too lame." I agreed.

We sat in silence for a while, I was busy trying to figure out why Sam was all of the sudden Halloween friendly, and Sam kept glancing over at me for some reason I wasn't quite grasping. He seemed unsure about something, or nervous, I couldn't quite pin it.

"You need a costume or anything?" I asked, fishing for whatever it was I seemed to be missing.

"No, it's alright." Sam sighed.

I nodded as I pulled the Impala into the motel. I spent the next couple of hours looking after my baby, always enjoying those times dad would go off on a hunt without leaving me with a boatload of shit to do, satisfied that I could actually spend a few hours after school making my girl shine.

While I was out cleaning and taking care of the Impala, Sammy was inside, his nose shoved deep into one of his many books.

"You want anything for dinner?" I questioned, walking back into the stuffy motel room.

"No, it's fine. Don't you have to get going?" Sam asked, glancing up at me past his history textbook.

"Yeah, I was going to grab a shower and then head out. Where do you need to be dropped off?"

"Uuhh…we were just going to meet at the arcade...I can walk." Sam stuttered out.

"No, I'll drop you off."

"No Dean really, it's fine. I'll walk."

"What the hell Sam? The arcade is all the way across town, just let me take you." I insisted, confused yet again by this kid's irregular behaviour.

"It's not that far. Just let me walk." Sam argued.

"No. I'm driving you. End of story. Be ready in ten." I finalized, closing the bathroom door to end the conversation.

Ten minutes later we were back in the car. Sam was quiet the entire way to the arcade, only muttering a "Thanks" as he went to climb out of the vehicle.

"Hey wait, what time you going to be finished here?" I asked, grabbing hold of his sleeve to stop him.

"I don't know." Sam grumbled, while tugging his jacket sleeve from my grip.

"Well give me a time to come pick you up at." I ordered, sick of the attitude I was getting.

"You don't have to pick me up, I can walk back Dean. I have legs." Sam grumbled.

"Congratulations, but I'm still coming to get you. So what time?"

"God Dean, I'm walking home. I don't need you escorting me everywhere." Sam argued.

"You think I get off on being your fucking chauffer little brother?" I snapped back.

"Then just got to your stupid party and leave me alone." Sam bit out, ripping his sleeve from my grasp and slamming the door.

I watched the kid march into the building, debating whether or not to get out and drag him back. I decided that not only would that course of action mortify my little brother, but it wasn't worth the effort, because that stubborn little brat probably wouldn't co-operate and I was not going to get physical with him, especially not after I already messed up his shoulder.

So I left him there, but as I drove my mind was still mauling over the kid's latest behaviour.

I mean first Sam throws the fact that I messed up his shoulder in my face and then he opts out of our yearly tradition. A part of me wanted to just peg this as one of those days where we just need some space from one another, but the big brother part of me knew that there was something else going on. Maybe Sam was mad about me hurting him during training, or maybe he was at the age where it is no longer cool to hang out with your older brother.

That stung.

Because what the hell? I spent years watching out for and looking after this snot-nosed kid, and it's not like that helps my badass image one fucking bit.

I have ditched loads of parties, choosing to hang out with my little brother instead. I spent my entire life making sacrifices for this little prick, and now that he's older he ditches me the second he can.

He's so selfish.

I'm sorry that I hurt him, honest to god I am, but it's not like I did it on purpose. It is not my fault that he is so freaking small and it's not my fault he wasn't on is game.

I hurt the kid one fucking time and he decides that he's too good for me, that he doesn't want to hang out anymore.

Well fine then, it's no sweat off my back. I have better things to do than spend the evening with some little kid. He doesn't want to hang around me. Good.

Fuck him.

My jaw was clenched in barely contained anger as I pulled up to the address written on the paper sitting crumpled in my pocket.

The party was in full swing. It was over-crowded and everyone was already holding some sort of alcoholic beverage. I wandered about for a while, doing little to contribute to any sort of conversation I was sucked into. After less than an hour I realized that this wasn't happening.

I hadn't even had anything to drink yet, but I knew I wasn't staying any longer.

Even with that one girl from English class practically throwing herself at me, I couldn't get my mind off my bratty little brother.

I climbed back into the Impala and headed back to the motel, resigning myself to an evening of vedging in front of the idiot box

How could Sam not understand how much I sacrificed for him?

How many times had I given up things for him?

And then the second he can the kid jumps at his first chance to ditch me.

I was so wrapped up in my anger that I failed to notice the little bit of light filtering out of the motel room as I parked.

I opened the door expecting an empty room, but instead I saw a skinny, shaggy-headed teenager seated at the small kitchen table, looking up at me with wide watery eyes.

And just like that, my anger dissipated.

"Sammy? What's wrong?" I asked as I glanced around the room, finding no cause for alarm I strode over to the table and squatted next to Sam.

"Nothing's wrong Dean, I'm fine." The young teen declared, wiping furiously at his eyes.

"Cut the bullshit Sam." I ordered; my tone serious, but far from threatening.

I watched as my kid brother turned his head, effectively hiding his face from my view as he collected himself.

I pulled the other chair over beside Sam, dropping down into it.

Giving orders rarely ever worked on my little brother, it was time for a more effective method, talking and listening.

"What happened buddy? Why aren't you at the arcade?"

"I never went." Sam admitted quietly.

"Yeah you did, I dropped you off." I pointed out.

"And then I waited for you to leave…and I walked back here."

"What the hell Sam?" I blurted out in concern. I didn't like that the kid lied to me, and I really didn't like that he walked all the way back across town alone in the dark.

"Why'd you do that? Why didn't you stay for the party?" I asked calmly, internally reminding myself that Sam needed patience, not anger.

"There was no party… I was never invited to anything. We've only been at that school for a week; I don't even have any friends yet." Sam responded with a sigh.

"Then why did you lie to me?" I asked in confusion.

Sam just stared at me, eyebrows raised…as if the reason was evident.

I studied the kid, trying to figure out what the hell I was missing.

Realizing that I was having no luck whatsoever Sam released a long sigh and let his hair fall before his eyes.

"Because I wanted you to go to your party." He stated softly.

"Why? You wanted some time alone to sulk around in this room and stare at the table top?" I mocked, just now noticing that there wasn't even a book on the table, no evidence that Sam had been up to anything remotely productive at all. No evidence for a reason he would want to be alone… unless…

"Is this about your shoulder? About what I did?" I questioned quietly, feeling the guilt hit me yet again.

Sam looked over at me, eyes wide.

"Because I'm really sorry Sam, I swear it won't happen again! Dad was just pushing us so hard…and somehow I forgot how much younger and smaller you are. But I swear to god Sammy, it won't happen again! I will be more—

"Stop!"

My apology ended abruptly at my little brother's demand.

"This is not about my shoulder Dean. That wasn't your fault."

"Yeah Sam it was, I pinned you too hard and I didn't pay enough attention to the way you were going down."

"You can't always go easy on me. So I fell wrong. It's no one's fault, shit just happens."

I gave the kid an exasperated look.

"Don't quote me to me Sam, it's weird."

My little brother let out a surprised laugh, two dimples making a brief appearance on his young face. I couldn't help but smile, Sammy's stupid dimples always having that effect on me.

"Fine, so if it's not about your shoulder than what is your deal little brother?" I asked, getting back to business.

Sam's face fell as he returned his gaze to the marked-up table top.

"Come on kiddo, spit it out." I encouraged.

"I just wanted you to get to have some fun." Sam confessed quietly, looking up at me underneath all that ridiculous hair.

My only reaction was one raised eyebrow, a clear display that I still wasn't getting it.

Sam rolled his eyes as he let out a dramatic sigh.

"You always get invited to hang out with people or go to parties, and you almost always don't go…cause of me. And I just didn't want you to miss something else because you were stuck hanging out with me." The confession was made in a soft voice with a bit of a tremble, and it hurt to listen to.

I instantly began to berate myself. How the hell did I ever even think that my little brother didn't care about the things I sacrificed? How could I accuse him of not thinking of me or wanting to hang out with me?

How the fuck did I let myself believe that that kid was selfish in any way shape or form?

Sam had never been selfish, not for one freaking day in his entire bloody life.

"Dean?" The call pulled me from my inner tirade and I focussed back in on the young teen sitting before me.

"Sam…why the hell would you think that I would rather go to some lame-ass party than hang out with my dorky little brother?" I asked, in all seriousness.

"Oh gee Dean I don't know, maybe cause I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't have any friends and who always keeps you from hanging out with yours." Sam muttered dejectedly.

I hated myself, because that statement sounded disgustingly like something I had thought earlier. But even when it had crossed my mind while I had been fuming in the car I had known instantly that it wasn't true. And all of the sudden I needed Sam to know something.

"Sam I need you to understand something." I reached over and brushed my little brother's bangs, smoothing them off to the side, so I could get a clear view of those puppy dog eyes.

"I need you to listen careful cause I'm only saying this once kiddo." I said; my voice soft but sure.

Sam nodded his head in silent agreement, as he waited for me to continue.

"The things I do…the things I give up, I do it _for_ you Sammy, not _because_ of you."

My little brother squinted, a look of concentration as he seemed to be trying to figure out what it is I meant.

"I choose to hang out with you instead, because you're my little brother, and I want to look after you and spend time with you."

"But it's not fair Dean. You should be able to go to parties and have fun with people your own age…you shouldn't be stuck with me all the time." Sam insisted miserably.

"It is my choice baby brother, to hang around with you. And I don't regret it or resent you for it, not ever. You understand?" I questioned, ignoring the lump in my throat as I placed a hand gently under Sam's chin to angle his face up towards mine, needing to be sure he was getting the message.

Sammy's eyes filled and his nostrils did that little flare they always do when he is holding back tears, as his jaw clenched and he nodded in comprehension.

"Say it Sammy, I need to know that you get it." There was no way I was going to allow my little brother to think that he wasn't number one in my life, or that he was some sort of burden I was forced to carry. Because that was total bullshit.

"I got it Dee" The way his voice cracked on the shortened version of my name made my heart clench, and it was all I could do not to start bawling like a little girl right then and there. This teenager often looked and sounded just like the little boy I had raised and I had a feeling that even when he was an adult, I would always be able to see him as a young child.

"Good." I grunted, awkwardly clearing my throat as I allowed my hand to fall from Sam's face, looking away to get a hold on my emotions.

"Alright well if we are all good here I think we best get our asses to the corner store if we want some junk food for tonight." I suggested casually.

"Yeah that sounds good! I'm just going to grab something real quick." Sam said, jumping to his feet.

I nodded and made my way out to the Impala, sliding behind the wheel once again and sighing in relief.

Last time I had been sitting in this seat I had been so bitter and angry towards my baby brother, and now those feelings all seemed so absurd.

I had been hurt.

Hurt by the idea that my little brother no longer wanted to spend time with me. And somehow I had allowed that hurt to turn into anger against Sammy.

That was unacceptable and I would not let it happen again.

When Sam dropped down into the passenger seat he was wearing his sling again.

I gave him a questioning look, waiting for the explanation.

"I guess I'm not really ready for it to come off yet. My shoulder is still pretty sore." He confessed.

"Well I could have told you that. Why'd you take it off in the first place?" I asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Because every time you saw it you looked guilty, and I didn't want you to feel that way. But since we agreed that it was an accident—

"We did?" I interrupted, knowing that Sam had said as much, but that I had never and would never deny responsibility for the injury.

"Yea we did." Sam confirmed with a nod, smiling at me before turning to look out the windshield.

"Bitch." I said with a smirk.

"Jerk." He laughed.

God I loved this kid.

How the hell I could have ever thought him to be selfish blows my mind.

Sammy is the most selfless person I know.

I mean the kid took off his fucking sling so that I wouldn't feel guilty. He willingly spent the day in uncomfortable pain so that I would feel better. And as if that isn't enough, Sam chose to spend Halloween on his own in a stuffy motel room staring at a table top, so that I could go to some lame-ass teenage party.

Selfish, what a fucking joke.

I looked over at the young teenager, visibly happy and relaxed as he sat in the passenger seat. And I knew that he loved me as much as I loved him.

Sam gives up things for me and I give up things for him. We sacrifice for each other.

There is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for Sammy… and a part of me knows that there is nothing my kid brother wouldn't sacrifice for me. And while that scares me to death, it's the way we are.

It is part of being brothers.

And nothing will ever change that.

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><p>Note: Thanks for reading! Please reviewcomment if you can spare a moment. - Sam


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